They call it Life!

Stage: Straight out of a mid morning crisis in a BEST bus plying a critical route, a journey lasting 30 mins on the worst day.

Actors: Mr.Y - A concerned citizen of the metro, a guy in his mid 20s.
Mr.A - A 'whatever' citizen in his mid 40s.
Ms.Me - The silent observer.

Setting: Bus fast approaching a bus stop ABC. A signal at a stone's throw distance before the stop.The bus lessens pace by 5 kmph to ready itself for a red.

Stage positions: Mr.Y on the first door step, keen on getting out first and getting a life.
Mr.A right behind Y and on his heels already.
Ms.Me has no rush to get down ever. The destionation is stop ABC+1 anyway.

Scene 1:
Mr.A: Let me have way man. I need to get down.
Mr.Y: No problem dude. Even I'm getting down at ABC. Chill.
Mr.A: Oh cut the crap and move it.
Mr.Y: What's the rush man? You dont wanna get down now.
Mr.A: What's itching your ***(something about the sister)..??
Mr.Y: Why'd you wanna get off a running bus, you old man?
Mr.A: I die by falling from a runnin bus, how does it affect you idiot..?

Bus stalls at ABC. Dialogue ends. Mr.Y and Mr.A rush out like they have an emergency to attend to. Bus departs.

Scene 2: Introduce, unknown to all, a really concerned citizen, hale and healthy, currently occupying the seat for the physically challenged. Manages to successfully catch the attention of the bus driver.
Him: :) What amusing characters? One cares for the life of another who doesnt care for it himself.
Driver: They have to die, why cant they take the train instead? My bus is not for such things. And the trains have a higher hit rate you know??
Him: Hee..yeah yeah..

Bus stalls at ABC+1. Ms.Me alights.
Ms.Me: I wonder what the world is coming to!!

Irritants unlimited

There are some who dare to call me finicky and others who still havent crossed certain threshholds act nice enough to call me particular, but i agree; there are few things that really manage to move my days frmo bad to worse in a jiffy. And when such things are within my space of control, I make it a point to voice my opinion about it and make my irritation known. And sitting idle in one of those rare occasions, I realised there were a few of those "things", that vexed me at all times of occurrence, irrespective of my saner moods. A quick jot of those would be...

Tsssk..Tcchh..Take the order man..!!

Any form of discourtesy to waiters and attendants at hotels irks me, for the sheer reason that neither of us chose to be where we are at that very moment. And for all those who shout out at waiters for tasteless food or missed out spices, you have to realise that his job was only to serve and the actual cooking was done by someone back in the kitchen. I always feel this light undervaluing speaks volumes of a person waiting for the bleakest opportunity to show his higher position in society. A cheap trick if you ask me.

No yaar..got loads of work to do...

If the deriding customer at the hotel was one, then another big turn off is all those who feign reasons to stay up late at night in office. Come to office early, walk around cubicles grinning at the ladies, share moments of light humour with your male friends every other minute, check mails and forward them to every single address on your book, visit all those banned sites through the proxies that some distant smart ass friend of yours gave you, and find every other opportunity to waste time. At when it was time for normal people to leave, you act like you were stuck saving the world all day, and it is only now, post office hours, that you have time for your "actual" work. Oh puhleease..! Give me a break.
I hate it all the more when you make sure the boss knows of such tacky tricks, and send out emails to all at weird hours in the day or on Sundays. And the icing comes when the boss is such that he fails to recognise them as a mere attempt to earn a few extra points. Whats with the whole world..!!

Oh no...am not hungry now..

Anybody who knew me real well, would know that I strongly detest people(read 'fellow ladies') who'd serve themselves half a serving of food and one glass of sugarless, iceless, fruitless fruit juice; and then go on to complain about how much they were eating and how little they were hungry. They'd sit through the whole meal, nibbling at the morsels spilt on the plate and rant about them having put on so much weight that their mothers failed to take them in. What's with the publicity gimmick now? And praise the 'man'kind that actually falls prey to such cheap tricks and makes a conversation out of this nothing affair. I'd just let them be there at the corner unattended and the next time they'd make a conversation out of how much they ate and still managed the body slim thin.

Well, these seem to top the list of turn offs, the rest include a variety infact. Range from the good old samaritan who makes sure the streets of India are a scene out of a modern artist's latest creation; to the great music lovers of the country who make sure their mobile phones add the flavour to life irrespective of being at the totally wrong place and scene.

Long live all these irritants, for they give me something to write on every other day..

Long time man !

It was meant to be a daddy-daughter day out. Both of us had got out early from office for just this (with my ML giving me the weirdest face when i said the guy i was going out was my dad).

And the special occasion - mom was getting back after a whole month and a half and 14 stitches down.

We met five minutes behind schedule and a mere flick of the eyebrow acknowledged the presence of the other. We'd gone through this ordeal the weekend before, with little success. A heavy sigh and both walked into the showroom.

One generation believed that no hifi could beat the good old cassette player, with that bumper offer of a built-in FM, that made sure it worked perfectly well when oriented somewhere between nnw and nww, and all you needed to get it playing again was a good hard slap, to bring it back home like your prodigal son; that all of today's sci fi gadgets were a mere eye wash and nothing worked wonders like the age old spool tape player; might be we should just get that one thatha has and present it to your mom!; It and all its antique values you know...

While the other generation was still mulling over the recent Bose experience, that made all other players look like a tricycle in a mercedes showroom; was still sulking at the inability to afford its 6 digit price tag; was out with a resolve to get something as close to reality as possible and ensure that music filled the whole room..the whole house?..yeah, what the hell..! filled the whole society up!

And a compromise it was when we finally narrowed down to a Sony dz120k,850W RMS(140W*5+140W), with a built-in S-Master Digital Amplifier and the option to play DTS, Dolby Digital, Dolby Pro Logic & Dolby Pro Logic II, DVD-R/+R/+R DL/+RW/-RW/-RW (VR) Playback, CD-R / CD-RW Playback/ J-PEG Playback/ MP3 Playback, DivX Playback, and exorbitantly priced at 15,990/-*.

The disaster could wait till tomorrow, for we were hungry at the end of the whole getting in and out of the finalisation process. We exchanged our niceties with the utterly saccharine salespeople, yes we would surely come back first thing tomorrow morning and get it. Yeah we know your showroom is the best in the neighbourhood and offers the best price for the best Sony all over India. Good Bye..!

Walked straight into a eatery next door. As we ordered our respective Jaipuri Sev Puri and Bhel Puri, it dawned on me that one of the few things that bridged any generation gap was this mundane delicacy, made mostly out of what looks like junk and is aptly called Chat. We stood at a table at the center, surrounded by chairs, all occupied by families eating their hearts out.

Both of us stared into our own nowheres, in our own quest to find those eluding answers. Our thought processes would have been something like,
Him: Damn that guy in Bihar man, else my all India sales would have been up by 30%...and that car, bugging me again as usual...wonder if H will top her class this time too...hmmm and poor narain is getting no visibility at all yaar...and the amma thinks she can telecast crap and get away with...oh gotta get up at 6 tomorrow morning and run to office...if i leave well before 8, am sure i can beat that traffic jam at Uncle's Kitchen...and why the hell did that cheque bounce man..
Me: What an excuse for a home theatre man...we should get all these guys to visit that Bose store once..so they know where they're heading..even their sales guys looked hot right.?? but why is that damned exe not running..with all my F8ing too..!!Will my accepting to Evolv really help.??Hey when was the last time I listened to that real cool song..!Man I wanna get out...Oh tell that fat lady to stop screaming now..I need sleep...loads of it...

At the end of all of that, both of us turned quietly, yet together, to look at the family sitting closest to us. The little daughter wailed into the night, while the mother fed little morsels of food between munching down some for herself. The older one, she was eight or nine, had been a victor in wiping out her plate of bhel completely and was looking greedily at the menu for the next on her list. The father and the mother exchanged intermitten conversations about her father coming over, and him forever complaining about the weather out here..Oh! not that your mother is a big blessing anyway..!! Beta, dont spill your food.

We continued to stare...Daddy can we have ice cream after this, please ??waaoohhaa.!!! Amma why cant we get ice cream after this..?? Oh darn those neighbours..waaahhaaaghhhhh.!! Lets go to Lonavla this weekend na...waaahhh..!!! I want a balloon if not an ice cream...Should we buy a diamond earring instead.?? waaagghhh..!! Whatever you want to buy dear, lets go to Lonavla...Where did you go away last night after sending that courier ??

Me: So when's amma coming?
He: This Friday..
Me: Hmm...Long time right..??
He: Yeah...Long time...


*Inclusive of all taxes

Goad's own cundry !

Have heard them over and over. And it has become a second language now, with twenty odd years flooded by acquaintances with a similiar tongue walking in and leaving an impression. I dont remember when the initiation really happened. But the Mallu english does not bother me any longer. Most of the times, I barely note the difference. Quite similar to the Western American drawl or the Engligh polishness to the language having become a part of the everyday corporate lifestyle.

The oldest memory of the accent striking a mark was in school.

Dhe egzpanzion of dhe gayses in dhe bodle, coses dhe volyoom of dhe cundainer to be debled. Dhe sayme would happen if dhere was ya ligwid in dhe bodle.

The first time I heard that, I feared Chemistry would remain a mystery all my life. Unfortunately for the antagonists, that was not to be, and I eventually managed to put the Mallu ears on. So much was I atune to it, that when that same teacher, Ms Indira, I remember, asked me in a more lighter mood, 'des my Ohful mellu agsent bodher you yin underrstaynding Volyumedric Analysis?', I was quick to nod a stiff No.

Then it was the frequent visits to neighbouring Guruvayoor and Trissur vadakkunaathar, that ensured that the prodding 'marikko marikko' and 'nadakkatte' were as much a part of the dictionary as the typical tamilian 'vazhi vazhi'. 'Pazhampuri' and 'Puttu kari' were as much a delicacy as 'pathirpeni' or 'kuzhi paniyaram', thanks to the mallu tongue that stuck along for good. And who can forget the lazy afternoons at home, with Mohanlal in Baratham or His Highness Abdullah and some coconut stuffed 'unni appam' ?

The oneness with the neighbours was one of the reasons why classmates in High school, with bredders in dubei, and sisters werking in cole cendres were ones that really stuck for days to come. That one was a real test to my mallu know how though...A Cherian at school came up and flaunted her cuzzin sister. 'Oh no! note the doter of the ungle who werks in de coal fields. Its dat wun who fayled toice in cat last ear. She's joined a cole cender and yearns twendy dhousand a menth. I spent a day contemplating my chances of moving over to Kolar to make a quick buck, before I found out the coal cender was in Gurgaon instead.

None of this abridged or conveniently transformed version of the Queen's language could deter me from enjoying the onam saddi and the janda vadyam; we always celebrated vishu kani and made the pookolam. Goddess wore as much of the mundu as the madisaaru on festivals.

And thats why it was no big surprise to find an adipoli mallus union in coaledge as well. The agsent was obviously masked under a whole lot of coconut ego and lungi vanity. But who cares ? The tambis and the kandoos and the ghatis and bhaiyaas had their own smells and sounds too. And who said anyone was perfect !

Today, despite being in a global IT company, with a clientele spread across the globe, when I hear the local announcement system blaring, 'ol embloyees who wish to tayk dhe ohfis bes to anushekdhi neger, pleaz proceed to dhe baysment', in an english unmistakably overflowing with mallu, I simbly smile and remember Goad's own cundry !

PS: If this whole thing made only half the intended sense to you, you surely have missed a lot in life !

The blasts..

It has happened once again...It had in the past..and now a repeat..for many it was a deja vu...For all those who've lived through the serial blasts in '93..all those who survived the floods on 26/7....This was a repeat...a chill that run through their veins...bringing back home the point that they weren't that mighty after all...

The ones dead at the end of a tragedy were still the luckier ones..For the rest have to live through the trauma of waking up each night having been blown apart all over again...Watching themselves live the life of a defective...The dead are better in more sense than one in this case.

Moreover, to be helpless and watch all the scene unravel infront of your eyes is a bigger trauma than to be there...All of us have that urge in us to get out and do something when we watch injustice rule around us...But very few can let the frustration within us find a vent...Very few can really make a difference..There are a few,like me, who had to depend on their more mobile counterparts to inform them that the bomb scene was as close as a few kilometres away from them...That bombed a second time in the deep hollows of the heart...

I left for home earlier than usual, because of a concerned company that wanted to make sure that their labourers were not compromised in such acts of terrorism..True many were dying out there..but the little we can do for the safety of our employees, we shall make sure its done...they said...This humane endeavor saw me stuffed into a cab with many others of my kind...as we rode the city, ensurig we'd reached home one after another...

It is a fit of fate or what you may call...But I seem to complain the least about being the last one to reach home always...There I sat that day, riding to another colleague's home, when a huge traffic snarl waited ahead of us..All we could see ahead of us was a sea of bumper lights and the Mumbaikar's patience of waiting at a jam for hours without a single sign of complaint...I sometimes wonder if they ever knew where the existence of a horn in their vehicles...Not that it made any difference though...Smart I should say...

We seemed to move at a snail's pace...with cars and truckers acting like carts...Life seemed to stand still...move backwards at some moments...And then I saw it happen...He looked like he had returned from from his evening prayers...I'd seen him before...The typical cap and long trailing robe..that has been, more often than not,misused in today's movies to signify the quiet bomber, who lives amidst us, manufactures destructives like they were biscuits and throws them around like farmer and his manure...I couldnot mistake him for sure..It had to be a terrorist and he was running towards us..with great agility..and a valor i saw in those eyes...

News had beamed all morning about grenade attacks in Jammu...Innocent unsuspecting tourists brought down by pieces of scientific innovation that ensured that your family remembered you for good...Quick memories of mine lashed through my mind...Distant thoughts of friends from school and college ran past...the face of my dear computer science teacher laughed at me mockingly....

Through all of this the man had almost reached my window...I turned to my driver, in search of someone who would share a similar fear...foolish..like looking away would make matters easier.!!I should listen to people when they say i needed to grow up...This was it...I saw the end...I would be blown apart too...If only I had insisted that I wanted to go home first.!! If only i hadnt left office at all...It felt like heaven now...in the final moments of my life...and...

Mam...please have some water...long traffic jam...will get late...the bomb blast you know..everybody is scared...and tired...here..some parle g for you...

What...? I turned to the face that had mouthed it...It was the same bomber...He pushed a dirty Bisleri bottle into my hand..the other held a huge plate overflowing with biscuits...In a state of shocked, I nodded a No Thanks...he vanished as quickly as he had appeared...I quietly watched him in my rear view...as he moved from one stalled vehicle to another...offerred his treasure..and moved on...

I looked ahead and saw many more...there were older ones on the divider who ensured that these delivery boys were stacked all the time...And these little angels ran to every new vehicle that inched forward..and gave their bit of service...I was more ashamed of myself than shocked...A thought that hit me for long was the smile they left on the faces as they moved on...

At that stretch in time, we all might have been sharing the same feeling of insecurity...a thought of doom would have run through all our minds..Yet a few decided to let their fears rest and make sure they made a difference to someone's life...Kudos to them for their presence of mind...Cheers to the sense of brotherhood that still exists amidst us....

They expected this...I dint...

4th July, 2006

It was a fever I was avoiding to the best of my effort....I did not want to do anything close to what they wanted me to...I had won the day before..But today looked like one of no return...Having made sure all the precautions were taken, I was ready for the worst...Goddess made sure that my young eyes hadnt missed anything mandatory...With all my straps up tight, I ventured out into the unknown...As I descended from my haven I realised that I had made the worst mistake of my life...I should have let go of any positives I held about myself and stayed behind...What if the mass treaded on.? But here I was repenting every minute...

It would have been two micro seconds into my venture, when I was wet from tip to toe...As I stood there waiting for my carrier to transport me to the battle field, my mind raced...It longed for brighter pasteurs...Yearned for the comfort in the breeze...No I had made the mistake of my life...I repented every minute...

In the vehicle....My fellow warriors seemed well equipped...The lashes all around seemed not to worry them...One even spoke of her exploits last time the war was on...She seemed content with the learnings...Why was it only me who looked inadequate for this..? And I knew there was no turning back the minute I stepped foot on base camp...

I could see a sea of trouble (pun intended!!) lie ahead of me...Other warriors quietly treaded forward, protecting themselves from the wind that razed past...As I hopefully looked at the other option available, any remaining hope left me...The only way available was what had left me here and that sure dint want me back...Not many want to tread the path once done..and I was that same person now....Turned my back to it and sent out a silent prayer to the heavens...

With no choice at hand, I lept into action...My guard in position, I lurged forward....A chill ran down my spine when the water touched my feet...As i moved ahead, more of it went under water...My nerves needed warmth now...The water gushed like a convict on his last run for life...The barricade we had built to protect us gave up within minutes of being put to use...We were out in the open at the enemy's mercy now...All I could see ahead of me was water and more water...memories of nights when i woke up with a chill, having dreamt of drowning in the raging waters, flooded back on me...The calmness of the people around me irritated me all
the more...I felt like jostling each one of them with my force and forcing them to return to comfort....This test was fruitless...Why take it...?

I saw water everywhere...and i wondered what creatures might quietly rule these territories...I didnot belong here and I knew it all the more when in it...The end seemed nowhere near and I kept heading forward....I waguely remember a piece of respite somewhere midway, when my feet touched dry ground...only to be flooded by an inundation caused by the red vessels...all the small pleasures in the world are volatile...Leave you craving for more...A fellow companion offered a word of comfort...encouraged me forward...I felt like giving her the smirk and questioning, 'for what purpose, mortal..?'..Thought better of it and smiled on...

At one point I felt I had no hope of looking up at all.....my eyes lay rooted to the bed, to ensure I wasnt sucked in by a whirlpool of sorts...I had heard of many heros who had to give their lives up to these terrors that loomed deep under our feet...At places, the snail would've been faster...for he wouldnt have to worry about drowning am sure...It was after almost an hour of this endeavour that I looked up to see light...A dry patch of ground...and the same continued henceforth...

Did it mean the end was near..? My legs hurried through the remaining and Yes..! I was through...I stopped, took a deep breath and looked back at what had been me for a long time now...Yes, the floods in Mumbai were taking a toll on normal life...

With thoughts blaming the stars, the BMC, my maid's kid's school principal, that lady in red in the news yesterday and a million other things, I entered office...drenched to the tip..and the AC dint help either....

Papa's girl..

It seems like a near two months since Goddess had decided that H (lets call my lil sis that henceforth!!) needed her more than us here...and was gone...and I think God and i did a pretty decent job...I managed to get goign with "the art of cooking"...now dont expect me to start writing 'Cooking for dummies ' or go ahead and host a Devil's kitchen for you guys...you dont really need to know much of the art to do one of these anyway....But "decent" is what I would call myself...

I atleast knew that the garam masala dint really add a special taste to all the sabjis you made...and too much of puli* in the lemon rasam* made it real aweful...So you see..I got a hang of things...What if i hadnt found recipes that used a lot of what my mom had stocked up for us...We did go for a few refills...Thats how good we got..and it was a nice family experience...

Things got bad though when late work times would leave me in bed for good hours in the day...letting the poor man resort to his own culinary skills...I wonder if I expected too much in wanting him to serve a meal up himself coz I was dead...I did get up on most times...but on those occasional few..it felt like shit...With Goddess calling me long distance, just to let me know that I had failed them...That was mean..

It hurts to realise the clash in images of you; one in their mind and the other in yours...you surely want to be out and independent...And sometimes want to get out of that papa's girl image...How long would you still be called one...? I felt childish to be still treated like one..

And in that phase of cognition, it dawned; that at any point of time in life, one is more grown up than the other..No! the age's always one way...but the growth of thought is always gapped...Why else would they act innocent and fail to accept that I was an adult now..especially when I sure felt like one..?? Why else would he act a proud father about my cooking when I'd missed the salt many times but one..?? Why else would he wake me up to make the easy-to-make coffee, but do all the distilling for tea himself...??

It started as Papa's girl...and graduated to Girl's papa recently...


*puli - the tamil equivalent for tamarind..imli in hindi..forms a major part of many south indian dishes.

*rasam - a broth to be mixed with steamed rice while eating..mainly made up of tamarind water..and a specific ingredient is added to spice up the taste and differentiate the various kinds.

A letter to God...

Dear Mr.Schumi,

It has been a real long time since I last wrote to you (Hell ! I've never written to you before!!)..But this is at a juncture when i couldnt refrain from making it public....I had to take this opportunity to commend you on your great caliber behind the wheels....What if all you did was manage to stall your car in the middle of an already narrow track...It takes a lot of courage to do such an atrocious act, to assume that the billion odd fans watching you were fools, and still go ahead and declare that it was an "technical snag"...

I condemn all those race stewards who called you guilty at the end of a long discussion behind closed doors...Am sure this is a part of their long term conspiracy to bring you down...Worry not...The mean ones can not rule...

I also appreciate the support that your team has given you through time...making sure that Alonso was behind you when you stalled and hadnot passed ahead by a slight...What if that had happened...and your play would have not achieved its rightful purpose...? One should always applaud the team that is so lured by you and your skills that it promises loyalty for good...I recollect a few years back when we were blessed with a dramatic finish, two ferraris finishing a typical race-like finish...what if the one reigning had to back off...God shall prevail forever right....

But I sometimes wonder if I am deceived...in believing that you are the best f1 driver till date...For this childish behaviour was not what one would expect of a pro...Are we going back in time by any lame mistake...? You know what you could have done to make me stop thinking so...? You could have atleast collided against one of those barricades in Monaco...A small crash...nothing that the Expert ferrari crew cannot fix....And nothing that would have taken you to a doc...

Now with years of driving, you know what I mean by a light crash right...? Hmm..Its not one of those that you have had in the past, every time you realised that the guy overtaking you might land up finishing before you..No..those were real bad...I mean one of those small ones...That would have surely made a better story to tell , than stalling the car there at the edge of the track; like an expert parking on a busy NY road craving for space....That didnot show age and expertise in the act sir...

I remember all those nerve wracking discussion I have had with friends about you being the best f1 driver till date...About you being the God of the sport...Has God been replaced by younger blood now..?? Has this scared him off his seat...??Is that why he is acting this irrational..??

Can you mail me back these answers..??

All the best for a brilliant acting career ahead...

Yours faithfully,
A disappointed F1 fan...

PS:Can you please pass this mail over to Micheal Schumacher, the seven times world champion, if you find him around..??

NRIs...the Non Reserved Indians

It has been close to seven weeks, as I write this post.. a few of them havenot done what they would normally be doing...another few have done what they would normally not be doing....a few of them have been treated like how they would never have been treated otherwise....One died for no mistake on his part....

Many wonder if all this commotion has anything to do with a recent movie, well sub titled, "A Generation Awakes"..

But the recent agitation that is rocking the country, about the reservation for OBC in educational institutions, is something not many have been able to ignore. How could you, with gory pictures of young doctors being treated like some miscreants, storming the media day in and out.

The acceptance or not of such a pact lies in our basics, our beliefs, the principles that have been fed to us till date.. For why else would an equally large number of students all over the country take to streets, in support of this policy. Why else would friends for years differentiate themselves only coz they were from the 'quota'..?

I support reservation..If the year was 1950 and the lower income groups in India were mistreated by the so called upper classes, made to beg for food, retort to all gruesome means to feed their crying children, be treated close to the animals that gave them milk each morning. Agreed there have been times when the forward caste has not acted that 'forward' afterall; not even human infact...but werent these reasons considered when the first amendment was put in, to include reservation in the Indian society..? That was when it was decided that this ill treatment had to stop, that the people who have been bearing the wrath for years for no fault of theirs had to be given what was rightfully theirs.

And that's what exactly happened right..? They had their go at schools..Reserved seats for children ensured that more of them got their basic education....Reservation in high schools made sure that more were motivated to get a decent level of schooling...seats meant for them in colleges assured them through a professional course too...reservations in the various government sector organisations sealed their position in offices too....

So there is a group, that is ill treated and tortured, till the people around them realise that it is time they stop treating them that way...and give them all ways of making null the gap that exists between the lower and the upper ones...Now that the gap is anulled, what more..?
I find it logical to drop the conveniences once they have made sure that all differences are lost...then why carry it throughout your life...? why trickle it down to your grand child, just because your great grand father was ill treated..?

It has to be an honest decision on each one's part, I believe...
What results of the current system, that is being inflicted by oneself, is a sense of obvious division...a sense of branding...Even in the midst of all this anti-reservation campainging, I am against all those who make generalisations; that those who have enjoyed the benefits of the reservation have only misused it; that ones in through this have only managed to scrape through classes, bringing the standard of education down and remain unplaced and all the likes...I totally oppose anybody who chooses to say this, having ignored all those from the general quotas who fail to perform and the ones from these groups who have gone out and made a mark for themselves in this world...

If there is any reason why there has been any ill treatment meted out to my reserved friends around, it is because of the branding with which they enter....so why not eliminate that from the start itself...

I heard a very touching story of a fellow with the AIIMS....a quota student, son of a cobbler father, he slogged his way through college,what with the branding and all...today a proud father of a son waiting for admissions to colleges, he gave up his son's "legal right" to reservation, claiming that he could afford a normal education to his son, something his father could not do to him....

At the end of all this....there are a million deserving students who still donot get the advantage of the scheme...For competition is imminent at all levels...and those economically backward must be losing out here too...

Dr Rela, a famous surgeon in London, roots in India, a starter medical degree from Stanley, Madras, was a "quota student"...During his recent visit to India, he spoke of his college days when he used to enjoy the comfort of a car ride to and from college...of all facilities at home that would not befit the so called "backward"....He stands totally against reservation based on castes...

I salute all those who have given up their seeming rights to reservation...to live on merit...am not saying that the ones on the other side are any less meritious...but if they are...then why the difference....

Why are we fighting against a common body....dividing ourselves in the process....?
Isn't it time we realised that reservations have to be given to those economically challenged kids, forced to work at a tender age to bring back a decent meal a day...?Its time to support those children forced to discontinue schooling midway, to feed an ailing father or a dying mother....It is these little bloods that need reservation, a motivation to get them standing strong on their feet....

Its time we started using our head to think..and let the heart do only the pumping....

PS:The thoughts expressed here are for reason meant to hurt the sentiments of any particular sect of the society...At the end of the day...we all bleed...we all die...and we all are Indians to begin with...

And then down the line.....

It was one of those days, when you weren't sure whether you had no work; or there was so much that you dint know where to push start...I, the Engineer v2.5, with the new IT plug-in that totally terminates any older versions of Civil vN from the system, sat staring unblinkingly at another...And the required spark struck...

Oh no..Dont expect me to have run around my cubicle, mouthing Eureka! and any of the likes..Coz I did nothing then your mother would be proud of you for....It had been around eight long months in this source of trauma...(Umm..wait a minute...that was the count two months back though)..And I had totally lost count of time or space or any such event....

So my mission for the day was to evaluate my current position in the company....uhh..!! With the company being a real show stopper, delivering best-in-class-IT-solutions, with the latest Q4 result declaring a huge 36500 new employees added....Too far fledged..?? True...So I narrowed down to the building I worked in....

To start off with, there's AR..the Maal they call him...Been in my module from day 1 in the project, unlike me, the vagabond, who peeked in at every other one and settled for this in the end....He was the one I was to turn to in case of any of those queries, which If raised to another level would raise a crossed brow and get them thinking about my credentials in the same...So there's him...

Then there's one step higher...This the God of IT...thanks to the real One being very modest about his state...We shall henceforth call him just that...He has an opinion about every other thing in the world...ranging from the tamilians dying for 'their' superstar..to how stupid j.k.rowling was to sell her books to a movie man...to why saurav would make a great f1 driver...He had all of it...and they would be one of those arguments put in...where you gotta just shut up and listen, coz you're smart enough to not waste your energy fighting a scare crow....And call him similar to the Lord'O Games and your sure to run a long beating....

Up that level is the one they called the Leader of the team...Or should I include the back up to the leader first....A totally non committed leader, who ensures the sweet talking continues till you leave the room and walk down the stairs content with your fight, only to realise when at the basement, that you were tricked into getting a 2 on 5....Now..what can you say about those..Just quietly count them in...

Then, as I said is the leader...they come and they go...but forever thou shalt be run around by them...with nothing much that you can do...Bear while thou canst..!

Then there's the Offshore module lead..What if your module is a mere threesome down here...you still gotta go up and get a sign off for every other line of code you intend purifying....What if its the God again...! you got no where to run..no where to hide...for the reaches of God are far fetched for good...!

There has to be his onsite counterpart...All of them have it...So there's one more to the list...Easy talking one who makes sure he puts on one of those best tones of speech, even when setting your deadline of work to tomo EOD...they must have got special tranings for all that....

Up the hierarchy, there is the PM...It comes with the abbrev i guess....but this one goes off my head too...visits us once a blue moon...exactly when you think that you are someone in this company...makes sure you know your a piece of scum living off the generosity that the company wants to keep losers like you...And if you did nothing about your state of affairs in the next few dyas, doom's day could not be avoided... All this with a neat smile on his face by the way...

His boss is the manager of the account...Oh no..! he has nothing to do with giving you the salary or maintaining the ledgers...yet..thats his deisgnation....Is called for all birthday parties..its taken an honour to receive one of those laminated certificates from him...Is always remembered when authority is called in to threaten you into doing your work....

Hmmm...At the end of it all..there's the client....He is always right...He is the God of all Gods...at the end of the day, it is to keep him happy that you slog from 11 to 3...listen to all the nonsenses for which your collegemates would have seen their death bed for a mere thought of utterance...and still put on one of you cheap smiles and go back to work...

There you have it...Picture me at the grass roots and picture the drive I have to get out and Do it..!!

To teach...and To guide....

I was a loner then...Had joined this group afresh and the new crowd left me staring at nothing when they were engrossed in some heated discussion..Things were not going very smooth...the usual hitch with blending into a new place...And ever wondered why they wouldnt realise that you are new and need help..?

True..they never did..and always made sure that they cracked the silliest jokes and pulled the dirtiest humour on you....little did they realise that their hopes of letting you gel where actually behaving in the contrary fashion....

It was in one such desperate moment that i found my Teacher...now dont get the wrong impression of a middle aged lady, sqaure rimmed glasses on and ordering you around...she was my mentor...and somehow knew that i was ill at ease in the new area...She, thus, made sure that i never had to leave my coccoon...the comforting hand was always around..and it made sure that the hurt of the world never caught me hard...I dont remember once that there was a word of anger from that being...Always treated me like a kid...and acted the caring mama...If only all were like her..!!

Am a grown up now...younger ones have arrived...I've learnt to live in this place with a kind of neutrality that will get me through the day....and my mentor has left me...Left to tutor the newer ones...protect them with the warm light she'd shed on my once...

I look ahead at the road that is paved for me...its again one with niceties at every corner...With all the wrongs quietly muffled....at a juncture like today I pause...And i look at the scene..from a distance....a quiet admirer...I think...if i was missing anything from then...Yes I do...But adolescence has to catch up eventually...and it did...

To thine own self be true.!

Yet here, Laertes! Aboard, aboard for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for.
There ... my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg’d comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

-- William Shakespeare

Heard this piece of advice first in school..And then it was a mere documentation that you had to study to get those much wanted grades...It hadnt been that age when all this would have made real sense..

But recently when a friend FYIed this passage, with a "remember?" attached to it, i realised what an art this one was...

I go back to remembering when exactly this exchange took place..I can picture that scene in the dock yard...father standing amidst his cricle of friends and discussing issues...the son, out on his big voyage, cluttered by his excited friends...and then, its time to leave....reality bites the concerned father...and in that overflow...speaks his heart out....

Wow.!! Like i said a piece of art...Each line leaves me thinking...Years down, when i read it today, it maintains its relevance...A thought that every parent would want to pass on to their little ones, as they go out every day, on a journey called life...

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;

Very true...For it is as much a mad act to let go of tried and trustworthy friends, as tough it is to find them.

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;

Sure...the world of today seems to lack listeners but is overflowing with ones with ideas to gush out at unwanted places....

Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend,

Another wise advice from a parent...A must remember for the young bloods of today...

And the prize winner....

To thine own self be true.!

That man is someone to have come up with such a paternal advice...at consider the fact that he was in his 20s when he wrote the whole play up...He was a miracle for sure....

Cliched... yet... Nostalgic....

It was a thought that struck at a weird moment..but i sat wondering...have i ever come across a synonym for 'nostalgia'...? Was a tough squeeze...hit the aisles of google..to find out meanings like...'longing,yearning'..'homesickness'...? not quite an impact like 'nostalgia' itself....

Sure go back in time...a long time back..when wearing frilled and lacy frocks was okay...it was not an issue to get boys back home after school....when you dint think twice before stopping the local ice cream man for a native bite of ecstasy...It was a time when you needed just a tear to get your way...it was then when beating your sis up red and blue was totally ok...
I remember very little of times in the pink city...except that guy whom i made friends with, with no idea of the language he spoke...and of my dad comin back home all pink and wet one day, after a blast at holi...then there was that whole bunch of kites in the attic that got me interested for their mere colour and the vibrance that came along...vaguely remember one curfew that left us sittin at home with no school to worry about....

Then there was the move back home...a life amidst family....yeah we flew back i know...my first flight...but i remember none of that...
coz recently when i sat on that plane after nearly 18 long yrs...i felt like a kid on her first flight onboard...eagerly stared out of the window...and continued doin that till all the skyscrapers seemed miniscule...and eventually succumed to a blanket of white...then there was the pleasure of looking at the sun from the same level...it was a new sun..staring back at me...and that rush down your lungs when the plane travels the runway...woah..!!

Coming back to the stay at home...there was all that singing in that little school...arraying at the ground for prayer every morning...and remember that fish shop in the same road..from where we flooded the tank in our house with those lovely ones...Then i remember those drills in school that we prepared so rigorously for...to go off to the main branch..with starched white clothes..and crispy white shoes...to act smart with those kids...always won in that i know...

I remember hiding from that mad man who lived on the corner where the road turned...felt an urge to prove oneself courageous by looking into his house every time we passed that way..Then there was that outburst of excitement every time i heard the quiet thump of dads yezdi as it turned into the street...recollect playing the bully...forming the favorite groups every summer vacation...remember those weird in house plays that we put...with family playing audience and cheering for every crap we put up...oh..those summer vacations with cousins were fun...with all those back biting and ear pulling...miss them....

Till date i feel the move to hitech city was destined...to move away from all that politicing...but then it had its own memories too...the wait for holidays to welcome cousins home...and take them around the city...and then there is school...the place i learnt to live..remember runnin out at 5 when school closed...running out to waiting junk sellers....there was always that craving to buy everything out from the canteen...when all those rich kids dined there every other day...and for us it used to be a blessing to get enough money for that..morning assembly was a pain...roasting in the hot sun...with kids around fallin unconscious every other day and waiting to be able to do that ever....

Oh i remember that first cycle...it was a weird one running on four wheels...trying to hold me on....there was the embarrasing attempt to hide from classmates when i took that to school the first time..I used to chain it to the tree by the canteen i remember..Then was the move to a bigger one..Felt good with a nice big one..remember exploring a lot of the neighbourhood on it..with harini tugging at the back at times...Kept it till i left college..it took me up and down those dirty college streets...a winner it was....

I totally recollect that little house on the 2nd floor where we grew up...Still see it in my dreams...we eventually outgrew it...and shifted to that house in "layout"...Thats where we actually turned little adults...grew up to being children no longer...Dont remember doing any studying when there...coz i used to be tired for gods all day...going down two buses to that school on the other side of the town...gettin there was a different story all together...then there was that phase of being a misfit...and still finding some great friends...boy..!!

Yeah I remember a lot of that too..then i remember moving out...to college...to adolescence...to freedom....whatever....

hmmmm...Its always at a point where you have nothing else to do but write blogs that you seriously get thinking...and the past floods into you...and you manage to write crap...like how i have successfully managed to do right now...

If you've managed to read this far..then your as jobless as i am, i understand...Long live thee....

A week flies by...

Sometimes I wonder if its me or time really flies...It seemed like yesterday that I was out with the Cool gang in my project...movie and food....freakin out on a saturday...and today its already the time to settle the audit...

Its a funny thing to realise that, sitting here today, I cannot figure out what was there in yesterday that is not here in the today...Well..thats life for now...Till I find out some way of making the today stand out...

But then i read something on the net...that got me thinking....
Time hasn't stopped for any troubles, heartaches, or any other malfunctions of this world, so please don't tell me it will stop for you.

What would life have been if we were all given the option of a Pause button...Hit it and relax slyly on the beach...not worrying about the picture fading out...a quick pause at that perfect moment of bliss..on a moon lit night...with the ambience that makes you wonder if this was the night you were born for....A much needed break in the middle of that project meeting, where the higher order is out there pointing blaming fingers at you for god knows what...

:) pity the frail mind that wanders off to neverland....

Anyway...as the title goes..this week flew by...the client came..all the drama lay unfolded..now its time for him to go...ha..!and a big huh to all those who acted real dumb and came out as real cheapos in the end...shame on all of them...adults with minds worse than a kid...!!

Now that it is all over,its gonna be a weekend to wait for...With the double treat of a formula 1 season that finally began and a second race in the second week..it is surely something to give it all your "time"..

Happy racing...

Its a new day...Its a new world...

It was quite an awakening today...felt that total ease of mind that i hadnt felt in years...! well actually that means i just cant remember it..! It was another lonely bed...a lonely house...yet...the peace was a big wow..!!

It had been quite a yesterday...had a lot of fun with the guys...all the teasing and yip yappin reminds me of college...then there was the visit from god..! With all the push and hype(like I'd said) it was a nothing...he was real down to earth..fooled his way into our hearts...liked his oration though the content was quite contrary to what i believed in...work surely took a second fiddle to me when it came to life...

I had decided today was the day...to do what i wanted to do right away...for there might not be a tomorrow at all..and i don want to be standing there with my If onlys....Weird philosophy i know..but yeah..thats the awakening i was talking about..

Have decided to leave my fingers alone from today....It has to be someday...today all the more better....I even walked into the book store i always wanted to....got the details straight...will be goin back soon i know....

Jay's mail was quite an eye opener...i realised all that rested on me when God's gonna give up on life...I dont want it now..coz i, as always, feel am not ready for it...I can see the effect of age..on the body, the mind, the temper....everythin...and am preparing myself for the worst...for when it happens...i dont wanna sit there cryin like a house wife...Jay was lucky..Dubai has it all...they serve their patients like 5 star hoteliers....India is still craving...we still have a lot of paper work and verbals going in before i can find the real medics....Gotta be prepared for a lot, i realised...Its gonna be tough lettin God know his short comings....but somebody has to...And like she said..its better to be safe now than sorry tomorrow....

There's a weird sense of imbalance in me today..that same feeling i used to have back in school..sitting waiting for class to get over so that i could get my hand wet in the paint and glass....pretty soon..!! compose you little mind...calm down..!!

Frustrating Friday..!!

Woke up this mornin with a heavy head...Now Now..dont let your mind go racing..This had nothin to do with any spirit i could have consumed last night or with any act of sin i would have performed to get through it...My body seems to have gotten into this weird routine these days, of throwing tantrums with all possible dirty symptoms, if not given that blissful eight hours of peace....

And the sudden burst of shower this mornin made sure that today's part was lost....Thus the heavy head....Heavy with a million things moving around in a confused state of affairs....

Trip to Freedom:
The plans finally confirmed to the point where i got my tickets into and out of freedom...And i wonder what the big deal is...its a bunch of friends that i want to go back to..so why all this hullahoo...of not letting me go..and then beg and bug...to eventually go with a baggage of taunts to carry along..! I missed my long lost freedom the most in these few days of struggle...

Fuedality:
It wasnt a family related one for a change....Friends turned foes...Now i dont mean something that should get the picture of two of us throwing things at each other...or shouting abuses at the other...swearing to god never to voice a conversation ever again...it was a disagreement over the mondane...that turned into one pointing fingers at the other...that never returned to normal ever since...there was this excessive flow of sarcasm that reached its heights....left a caustic taste in the tongue..still running rough waters now...

Stage Play:
Sometimes I feel that the world could do a lot better without all the hype...Pick up any issue...and it has to be followed by a beat of all the extras...start from the meakest film star visiting your locale..to a rockstar blessing the place...There's always a fan fare attached to it that frustrates the normals....And unimaginable is the nonsense created by ones around the main subject....While he would rather prefer a peaceful, "i am human too and anythin is fine with me", image, its the ones polishing his show that throw out the picture of The Man, who just landed from his trip to the moon...God..!! All this drama and stage play for a normal client visit...

The baby :
The pleasure one gets at the sight of innocence is such a heaven...What if it is a mere picture of a darling...e-tranferred by another...





My hands itch for a hold of this blessing...Waiting in quiet to hold the beauty...

Well.. I agree life goes on...with all its positives and negatives....pluses and minuses...and all those opposites that one can think of...

Replay.....

It was another one of those times when you felt life was in the replay mode...

It was the same village...mounted high up in the hills...With the smell of the heavens oozing out of every street....People looking very affable...waiting to serve u at the cost of their lives...Those up hill and down hill travels were all too familiar for words...

There was the same monsterous weapon of mass destruction..it had haunted me the previous time....I was wrong to have wished it gone now...coz it was back...Howling the lives out of innocent visitors...these rickshaws knew no fear...autos that decided the fate of their passer bys...They hadnt changed...

The man's face was a distant memory...but this one sent back shivers....there was that weird feelin within that was tellin me to warn my companion...to remind him that it was wrong...to let him live back the then when it had all happened....to tell him to get out...before it was too late....

We sat snug in the vehicle...the driver looked up at the heavens and laughed....my heart began to beat harder...i felt that crunch that sucks your soul out of you..i could feel it comin any minute....

And there it was...I knew it..it happened....as it had the last time...The squabble broke out from a nothing...I hadnt remembered why the last time too...but it was worsenin...and the final blow..that sent him flying out of the rick...

What happened next and how i reached him is a distant memory...i cant get down to the details in my head...but as i knelt and looked down on him...lying there helples....with blood oozing out from the face that had lit up the life in me....i lost it all...

I panicked for starters...Here was my life, lying there wounded, hurt, most probably because of me..and i wasnt doing anythin....i looked around...the all so pleasant mountain village dint seem half as inviting now...walker bys stopped to stare at the mass of bleeding flesh that lay below...and seemed to care the least...i could see backs turnin to us and walkin away...what was wrong...? wouldnt somebody help a hurt in this world..?

No..! i was not gonna depend on others to save this man lying here...It took no herculian effort to mount him in my arms...and i ran....god knows where though....Throughout my run for life, i peered down into those eyes...a pair that was searching for life...that was knocking on heaven's doors...but fighting to get back...for there was a life to be lived....

I heard myself scream to him...wishing that he would hear...i begged him to not let go....i scremed at the heavens...to not take him with them...no this could not happen...i ran down those pristine white corridors...with him lying frail like a lump in my arms...

Ran straight through the doors...and OUt...!! I sat up ram-rod straight....It had happend again...the same dream...the same plea....the same door that i woke up at....

I lay awake in bed for the rest of the night...Praying....!

Early mornin awakenings....

I totally agreed with all my projectmates, who bade me goodbye at some part of the night, that it was madness do have done this....nothing could ve justified what i was doing...and it was after 17 straight hours in the office, with Ozzy and James instigating me to wake up, that I was beginning to feel the stupidity....

The walk back to the bus stand was a dazy stomp past the world that was waking up to a bright saturday...The scene at the bus stop was all the more "new" to me....Never before had I seen these many florists adorn that dinjy stop....It had always been in the wee hours of the night that i had stood here, with the noisome citizens rulin the lot..So the tranformation to this pleasant picture was a shock...

The wait seemed too long for words...it might be that time seems to pass by real slow when you have sleep knocking your lids and u still cant welcome him in..

So there i stood, hollow eyed, when i first caught sight of him....Now this "him" that i refer to is surely not to be misinterpreted as the so called 'man of my dreams' or 'the one' or whatever in that fashion....He is this small kid, henceforth our Hero, a ten or eleven i assumed...walkin steadfast with a mission in his eyes...He carried a sack filled with odd shaped utils on his tiny head....I could feel the crux on that tender thing in the way he shifted the weight around every few seconds...

He wore a loose baggy shirt and an equally frail pair of trousers...They were bought with plans for the future, i thought. My mind immediately noticed the new pair of jeans i wore, and so fervently complained of for not being the right ones...Back to observing the guy, i caught sight of the little clasp formed in his hands...he was holding something very dear in those little hands...something that he would not let go of for good...I felt it...

He walked aimlessly for a minute...then headed straight for the florist closest to me...The scene wasnt close enough for me to hear them out though....I could see our hero hesitate in front of the make shift shop for a minute..then hold out his hand to the florist..still tightly clutched in him...and mutter something feebly....The notice shifted to the second party of the conversation....she had been a bright cheer to look at a minute back...but the minute the hero had delivered his part, the change in her mannerism was more than obvious....A frown adorned her face and with a quick sweep of her hand, she gestured the boy to move away....She considered it meaningless to express her feelings in words i felt..

He looked down in grief..a sense of embarrasment and moved away....he retraced his path....went back to where he came from....and i continued to start at the beauty of the roads....

These guys have their own knack of creating art out of their mouthly excretions...yes i choose to use that word, coz thats how disgusting that whole process is...It all over...the only difference being the color and the intensity of each color....nothin more...Come what may, they choose not to give up their rights..their democratic priviledge to make the world their home...And they blame the govt for not being good to them..Had i the power in the smallest sense...I'd catch all these offenders and shoot them in public....

I swore at my thoughts being such prodigals...Give them an exit and they decide to wander at their free will....Back with control over my flow, I saw him again...I got that eerie feeling of a de javu...Was it a dream..? Had I seen the future...? Coz it was the same guy, with the same sack mounted on his head, with that same clasped hand....

This time it was a newer florist...The same murmured conversation and the same sway of the hand from the receiver...The same look down on earth....

It hurt me to think of what might be going through that little mind...Were his thoughts wandering too..? Cursing his poor plight..?

I wondered what it was that he wanted from the florist, that was too much for that damned person to part with...Was it poverty to that level that he couldnt afford to buy flowers with what he had...? He had to buy it though..there was no option of going back home without it..For he didnot give up, come how many denials....Why did those flowers mean so much to him...? Why did he have to fight such a battle to get such a trivial thing....?

He wandered off to another florist..a new proposal..the same denial..my eyes followed...Hunted him out of the busy morning market...It hurt....It ached to be so helpless..I wanted to catch that little guy and hand him a note of ten...am sure that would have solved his worry....He passed by another time....I stared right at him...Hoping for him to stop a minute...so that i could quietly slip the note into him...But he hurried by...Another offer...He wouldnt give up at all...

My bus slowly came in....the junta rushed to satisfy their right to sit in a crowded bus....I let the crowd take me along....Throughout the process of being force lifted into the bus(believe me..the crowd in bombay is capable of doin it, irrespective of ur build..!) I followed the guy...The sack relocated another time and a new proposal....

The bus pulled out and so did the hero out of my vision....I was ashamed...I felt responsible for leaving that little kid there, begging for flowers to take back home...I felt responsible for stealing the innocence out of his childhood.....I cried....

The conductor gave me a confused stare....I pulled out a fresh ten to buy my ticket back to security.....

I cried...

Dreams and beyond...

I dont know if its the effect of the Paulo Coelho that a friend gifted recently.. But the last few days, i have been thinkin a lot..Now what was contained in that process is a tough choice..for there was a turmoil...a storm raged..where a million things were thrown in and out at the same time....

I remember days in school when i used to have clear dreams...I saw myself with a scalpel and blades, masked and gloved, working intently on the body in front of me...Now I wonder if thats where my destiny really lay..for I do nothing remotely related to my dream now...and I still dont repent it...So to say..I dont see myself doing that in my dreams any more...
A little later in college, I had dreams...There I saw myself lost...but sitting calm..in the midst of the lush jungle...a lens in my hand...trying to be god...one with the other creations I was...and those showed a fearless me...one not bogged down by worries of life...But yes...those dreams were there every night...they meant some thing..

Now, i sleep...and dont dream...the last time i remember waking up in the middle of the night, staring at the pale moon barely visible in the distant sky, praying for the dream that had woken me up to turn true, was a distant memory in the past..Thats when i think...Have I lost insight to life at all...

I had read that dreams are potholes to the future...others claim that they are a depiction of our heart's innermost desires...But mine are blank...Does that mean

I've lost touch of the future..? Or has my heart stopped wanting..?
Caught up in all the mondane activities, that make every day similar to the previous and no different from the next, I think..about what I had been and what I have become...

Quite well timed was this news that the friend shared with me...I had read it myself too..and sat there stunned for more than a mere minute...Every person who had been a somebody in NIT trichy, would have heard of Sidin Sunny Vadukut...An under grad from NIT to a post grad from IIMA to a fat pay check in those hot shot, sought after job profiles...he had it all needed for that typical lifestyle....So when he proclaimed to all who where even a little interested that he was quitting all this to chase his dream of writing, many were left thinking...

I was left wondering what had happened to my dreams...And I found the answers almost immediately...they had been right there, within me...waiting for an exit...So the next question was, when would that be...? When will they take over the control of my life from all the other trivial acts..?

Not right now I know...But pretty soon...For there will be one point beyond which your dream will push you till the end...take you past all negativities...

And it is that very juncture in life that I am waiting for..! So do a lot of us I know...

The NDA experience...

It was a lazy cold mornin in Pune..That place somehow made me more lethargic than normal; made me feel like one who hadnt seen sleep in days and the last thing on my mind was to sacrifice the warmth of the bed for good. So it had been with great resolve that I had dragged myself out at half past six in the mornin.. That proved to be an ordeal with the me having gotten easily acquainted to the US general shift timings...

The chill of the shower pricked every patch of skin..and that wash got me out of the sandman's world at the very first touch...I wanted to slow the process as much as possible..delay activities to their limits...earn some more time...for what lay ahead dint interest me one bit...

As much as I respected my uncle's interest of showing off the pride of the Indian Armed Services, I was totally against the idea of making a place of education equivalent to a museum or a theme park..I pictured the scene of me in shorts, rushing through the hostel corridor to attend to early morning commitments, and accosted midway by a bunch of strangers staring into rooms and our personals, like we were show pieces trapped in cases..Thats why the idea of spending a sunday afternoon, in NDA totally dint amuse me..

Life takes time to give total control and a lil respect to you. Till then you are a mere puppet, ruled at day and tranforming into the ruler of your little world in the dark; lying mighty on the bed, and commanding respect from the creepy insects. I was the listener, and so I had sat quietly staring out of the window on our journey.

All through the trip , I could hear God talk about his numerous attempts as a young blood to get into the academy and be a part of the bunch that saves the country. He spoke of all the nights he and his likes had spent, discussing their dreams and all the days that they had spent in the physical training required for the entry. He had cleared the written twice I heard, but lost at the next level; Lost his dreams, given them all up to lead a mere mortal life, paying taxes and worrying about the rising prices and complaining about the little you could do to change the country, just like any other samaritan.

I respected the speaker then; for it was the voice of somebody who had atleast visioned a dream and worked for it at some point in their life.
And it was that dream that i saw him relive the minute we entered the NDA territory...Statements prodded visitors to know the amount of efforts put in by these soldiers at war..Asked us to remember the martyrs and the sacrifices needed for us to sleep cosy at home...

A spark lit at a lost corner....

The bright gold inscription of NDA welcomed us heartily into the vast bounds of the National Defence Academy...I had no words...The first stop was very aptly planned...the auditorium, for a screening of a movie on the NDA...45 minutes later, I repented having lived this long...For I had realised no purpose in life till date...I had had a glimpse of men, who at the prime had decided to do what they exaclty wanted to...Degrees to add to their list dint mean anything to these hearts that beat with a purpose to represent the country in all spheres...Its a different issue that they walked away with similar degrees too...

The movie had talked of the amount of discipline that is imbibed...the routine that becomes a way of life at one point...the amount of valor needed to stand physical exhaustion and not run away..It spoke of the warriors who had left the campus bounds and made the country talk of them....it dealt with a glimpse of their complete routine..through 3 years, 6 semesters of training in the lines of imprisonment..rigourous to its limits..

I couldnt think of one thing that they had missed out in their curriculum that bridged the need to make a perfect man..They had it all..So that when they passed out, they walked a level apart...
It was a humbling experience...it made me realise that grades wouldnt take us anywhere..that a 5digit pay wouldnt take us anywhere...for those who are and had at some point been here, lacked all that but had it all....

It made me sad for not being capable in some aspects, else I would've tried(explanations you might call..!!)...I could imagine the kind of bond that is built between souls that shared torture together..hearts that beat together, when running fully loaded in the lifeless country side that was the route of their 5day trek...muscles that wreathed in pain when jumping through barriers with guns that weighed more than what they could....The faces showed a oneness in them all...They had been through it all..and had been survivors....

I drove back in silence....an awakening...the rising that hurt..!!

Long live those men..!!!

Of Shouts and Noises...

It had been a sad awakening..another monday had come and i had survived through my dire temptation to quit....it was tuesday....and God had to get me through this day...sometimes i found tuesdays more frustrating than mondays...neither at the beginning, nor at the end, stuck in eternity, it was a day as confused as i was...

Morning washings done, I slowly descended the mount to get lost in the crowd; a sound hit my ear deep hard...It was my watchman..in strong argument with the municipal corp workers..they'd decided to bless our community with a concreted road, and feigned God...My guard dint like it obviously...but the abuses that followed..were a torture to the ears..There was a heated discussions, with references to one's mother and sister and all kins possible, every nanosecond..Not one seemed to stop and all the world but me seemed to be enjoying the early morning show of one's vocabulary.

I mentally shut my ears and walked over to the bus stop...was it me or was the area noisier than usual today..? Bus arrived, swarming with school kids...and a fresh load of ear ache for the likes of me...the sound they generated...a buzz of the bees..or worse..the irritating gnawing drone of the mosquito by your ear, that wakes ya up..rather throws ya out from a much wanted sleep..God seriously, why me...?

Life was testing my ability to mentally turn deaf...and today i was being very bad at it...Half through my journey to work, a sudden shout emerged from the dusty backyard of the bus...and a return fired from somewhere closer..Oh no..not another irritated passenger, practising his list of abuses on the conductor..! But yes it had to be...The strange language, seemed stranger to my ears, with these men shouting hard at each other..A shower of expletives i believe..and i somehow felt drenched in it...What was happening..?

I had second thoughts of returning home..with such a beginning, nothing great could happen to my day anyway..!

Down and away from the never ceasing fire of shouts, i ran for cover to an auto...Swearing at myself for ever living to see a tuesday, I disclosed my destination and rested myself for the first time in the whole morning...Peace..!

And i was thrown out to reality with a jerk...Not another repeat please...! The driver of the car and my dear auto driver seemed to be enjoying themseleves, doing this...at the mid of the traffic junction...with all forms of traffic surrounding them from all directions, they were busy in their throw of rage at each other..Each claimed that the other had defaulted and they themselves were The God of traffic rules incarnate....Help me someone...Nothing more embarrassing than your vehicle getting caught in such a plight and you being the center of all this..Passerbys seemed to stop, get the matter of the situation in, stare into the auto at me, like i was the sole reason for all this happening, give a dirty stare and walk away..

Please let me die now...

I was totally lost in my own thoughts, searching for whom exactly i had woken up seeing, and was it from the left or the right side of the bed that had resulted in such a day. I woke up to a driver staring at me with a look that pushed me out of the auto at my office. Paid up...

And ran into my office like my tail was on fire..It was true to some extent...coz there were all the voices still screamin in my head...swearing abuses at god knows who...Into the lobby..Hit the lift...Settled at the cosy corner...and ran out into the 5th floor....and...Peacee..!!

What if the silent humm of the machine sent weird pricks at my ear...?What if the hard and hasty taps on the keyboard echoed to the end of the long hall..?What if the buzz of the AC and the occasional roar of the coffee vendor left me puking for a change...this was Bliss..!

For life was not one of Shouts and noices...

And a new year comes in...

Another new year has come..and gone..It is a newer year, with a newer me, in a newer place and newer people around. But there is something about it that never changes, the essence; The feeling of a new beginning that never fades year in and out. It brings with it an opportunity for improvement, room to clean up the messes of the year that went by and make up for all those dirty deeds of the past.

I always overflow with a new sense of energy every new year, strange thoughts run through my head and wonder if thats why everybody comes up with resolutions on the new year, coz they feel it too.. And I presume the level of insanity increases too, coz my list of things-to-do overflowes with the unimaginable.

This year saw some new year resolutions formulated in the deep dungeons too. To list a few, there was a resolve to buy a new guitar and try my hand at it come rain or storm. And there was that one that did something about chewing and biting more humane things than what was happening now. The one to beat was this thing about putting an extra watch on the exercise schedule and burnin down those impossibles. I went to extremes on deciding to get the forms ready and start saving India from all its shitty politics and hypocrisy. That couldnt be beaten by anything else.

Another big in the list that I intend to keep up with was the one about being more regular in Blogging, seem to be getting a hang of it and am liking it too. So the obvious would be for me to continue in the positive. Another thing that I wanna take up this new year is the fire inside for photography. Unlike other times were I've been treating much talked about interests as nto my kind, this seems to be really catching me up, come what may. So wanna go ahead and do something about it.

Published some of my pictures online recently, at Devilsaid Pics. Will keep updating.

Continuing with the new year mood, I also got real frustrated this new year, thanks to the city that i live in. Mumbai seems to be one place where the rich and poor alike know what they want to do and do just that. As I sat at home, with family and a good friend, I realised that I fit not one bit in this city. For here I was sitting at home, while the million others in the city roamed the city streets haywire and partied till dawn. Now I cant decide which side I'd rather be in but I just dont fit I know. It wasnt very bad though. A ride out in the night at 12 and an icecream treat after that was quite a start to the new year, i wont disagree.

I donot know whether life is any different now in the new year. Its the same viscious cycle of code, deploy, bug fix, requirement analysis and code. But the prospect of a new year is sure the sign of new hope, to start a fresh start

Workplace of a new Kind.

It was a lazy November Saturday when around 15 of us from the SupportCentral Team decided to loosen up and spend some time together outside the office. 8am (pretty early for us in the general shift!) saw a few of us desperately waking the rest up to reach Destination Malad on time. Food was picked up from the canteen and carried over to ensure we never missed out on that.


We rode autos to reach Marve Jetty, to catch the steamer that would transport us to our Final Destination - Manori Beach. We missed the steamer by a minute and thought what better way to spend the delay time than with a game of beach volley! After a quick game to get us on our feet, we sailed over to Manori to Domonica's resort, where we had a room booked to dump all our belongings and rest our souls after the trip.

The minute we set foot on Manori we felt like we'd crossed boundaries and walked into a totally new world, untouched by the modern rat race and unaware of the mad city rush. Tall coconut trees lined the mud roads, and fish dried on road ends; koli women caught up with their whining children while their men toiled tough with the fish. It seemed worth every minute.



In the resort, we started out by winding down and danced our mid day to whacky numbers from the latest movies blasting out. The Ronaldos and Ronaldinhos were compromised in the football game that followed. The day also saw us walking around aimlessly in the lovely resort, some more dancing and playing the weirdest games any one could conjure up. The best part was us lying soaking wet in the beach, cooling the heat off. Some of us relived those lost childhood days, playing 'Shop', 'Four Squares' and the likes.

Never before had food tasted that fine, for we were exhausted after all the dancing and playing. We served ourselves enough to last the day through. There was a second round of games and a lazy walk on the beach post lunch. As the sun slowly found home near the end of scope, our minds relaxed with the silent lashes of the sea, thoughts wandering somewhere near the horizon.



All through this, time flashed by and we failed to realize it till it was time to leave. We retraced, back to reality, with an enriched mind and a rejuvenated body, ready to take on everyday life with a stronger zeal.