To teach...and To guide....

I was a loner then...Had joined this group afresh and the new crowd left me staring at nothing when they were engrossed in some heated discussion..Things were not going very smooth...the usual hitch with blending into a new place...And ever wondered why they wouldnt realise that you are new and need help..?

True..they never did..and always made sure that they cracked the silliest jokes and pulled the dirtiest humour on you....little did they realise that their hopes of letting you gel where actually behaving in the contrary fashion....

It was in one such desperate moment that i found my Teacher...now dont get the wrong impression of a middle aged lady, sqaure rimmed glasses on and ordering you around...she was my mentor...and somehow knew that i was ill at ease in the new area...She, thus, made sure that i never had to leave my coccoon...the comforting hand was always around..and it made sure that the hurt of the world never caught me hard...I dont remember once that there was a word of anger from that being...Always treated me like a kid...and acted the caring mama...If only all were like her..!!

Am a grown up now...younger ones have arrived...I've learnt to live in this place with a kind of neutrality that will get me through the day....and my mentor has left me...Left to tutor the newer ones...protect them with the warm light she'd shed on my once...

I look ahead at the road that is paved for me...its again one with niceties at every corner...With all the wrongs quietly muffled....at a juncture like today I pause...And i look at the scene..from a distance....a quiet admirer...I think...if i was missing anything from then...Yes I do...But adolescence has to catch up eventually...and it did...

To thine own self be true.!

Yet here, Laertes! Aboard, aboard for shame!
The wind sits in the shoulder of your sail,
And you are stay'd for.
There ... my blessing with thee!
And these few precepts in thy memory
Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue,
Nor any unproportion'd thought his act.
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg’d comrade. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in,
Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in France of the best rank and station
Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

-- William Shakespeare

Heard this piece of advice first in school..And then it was a mere documentation that you had to study to get those much wanted grades...It hadnt been that age when all this would have made real sense..

But recently when a friend FYIed this passage, with a "remember?" attached to it, i realised what an art this one was...

I go back to remembering when exactly this exchange took place..I can picture that scene in the dock yard...father standing amidst his cricle of friends and discussing issues...the son, out on his big voyage, cluttered by his excited friends...and then, its time to leave....reality bites the concerned father...and in that overflow...speaks his heart out....

Wow.!! Like i said a piece of art...Each line leaves me thinking...Years down, when i read it today, it maintains its relevance...A thought that every parent would want to pass on to their little ones, as they go out every day, on a journey called life...

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;

Very true...For it is as much a mad act to let go of tried and trustworthy friends, as tough it is to find them.

Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice;

Sure...the world of today seems to lack listeners but is overflowing with ones with ideas to gush out at unwanted places....

Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend,

Another wise advice from a parent...A must remember for the young bloods of today...

And the prize winner....

To thine own self be true.!

That man is someone to have come up with such a paternal advice...at consider the fact that he was in his 20s when he wrote the whole play up...He was a miracle for sure....

Cliched... yet... Nostalgic....

It was a thought that struck at a weird moment..but i sat wondering...have i ever come across a synonym for 'nostalgia'...? Was a tough squeeze...hit the aisles of google..to find out meanings like...'longing,yearning'..'homesickness'...? not quite an impact like 'nostalgia' itself....

Sure go back in time...a long time back..when wearing frilled and lacy frocks was okay...it was not an issue to get boys back home after school....when you dint think twice before stopping the local ice cream man for a native bite of ecstasy...It was a time when you needed just a tear to get your way...it was then when beating your sis up red and blue was totally ok...
I remember very little of times in the pink city...except that guy whom i made friends with, with no idea of the language he spoke...and of my dad comin back home all pink and wet one day, after a blast at holi...then there was that whole bunch of kites in the attic that got me interested for their mere colour and the vibrance that came along...vaguely remember one curfew that left us sittin at home with no school to worry about....

Then there was the move back home...a life amidst family....yeah we flew back i know...my first flight...but i remember none of that...
coz recently when i sat on that plane after nearly 18 long yrs...i felt like a kid on her first flight onboard...eagerly stared out of the window...and continued doin that till all the skyscrapers seemed miniscule...and eventually succumed to a blanket of white...then there was the pleasure of looking at the sun from the same level...it was a new sun..staring back at me...and that rush down your lungs when the plane travels the runway...woah..!!

Coming back to the stay at home...there was all that singing in that little school...arraying at the ground for prayer every morning...and remember that fish shop in the same road..from where we flooded the tank in our house with those lovely ones...Then i remember those drills in school that we prepared so rigorously for...to go off to the main branch..with starched white clothes..and crispy white shoes...to act smart with those kids...always won in that i know...

I remember hiding from that mad man who lived on the corner where the road turned...felt an urge to prove oneself courageous by looking into his house every time we passed that way..Then there was that outburst of excitement every time i heard the quiet thump of dads yezdi as it turned into the street...recollect playing the bully...forming the favorite groups every summer vacation...remember those weird in house plays that we put...with family playing audience and cheering for every crap we put up...oh..those summer vacations with cousins were fun...with all those back biting and ear pulling...miss them....

Till date i feel the move to hitech city was destined...to move away from all that politicing...but then it had its own memories too...the wait for holidays to welcome cousins home...and take them around the city...and then there is school...the place i learnt to live..remember runnin out at 5 when school closed...running out to waiting junk sellers....there was always that craving to buy everything out from the canteen...when all those rich kids dined there every other day...and for us it used to be a blessing to get enough money for that..morning assembly was a pain...roasting in the hot sun...with kids around fallin unconscious every other day and waiting to be able to do that ever....

Oh i remember that first cycle...it was a weird one running on four wheels...trying to hold me on....there was the embarrasing attempt to hide from classmates when i took that to school the first time..I used to chain it to the tree by the canteen i remember..Then was the move to a bigger one..Felt good with a nice big one..remember exploring a lot of the neighbourhood on it..with harini tugging at the back at times...Kept it till i left college..it took me up and down those dirty college streets...a winner it was....

I totally recollect that little house on the 2nd floor where we grew up...Still see it in my dreams...we eventually outgrew it...and shifted to that house in "layout"...Thats where we actually turned little adults...grew up to being children no longer...Dont remember doing any studying when there...coz i used to be tired for gods all day...going down two buses to that school on the other side of the town...gettin there was a different story all together...then there was that phase of being a misfit...and still finding some great friends...boy..!!

Yeah I remember a lot of that too..then i remember moving out...to college...to adolescence...to freedom....whatever....

hmmmm...Its always at a point where you have nothing else to do but write blogs that you seriously get thinking...and the past floods into you...and you manage to write crap...like how i have successfully managed to do right now...

If you've managed to read this far..then your as jobless as i am, i understand...Long live thee....

A week flies by...

Sometimes I wonder if its me or time really flies...It seemed like yesterday that I was out with the Cool gang in my project...movie and food....freakin out on a saturday...and today its already the time to settle the audit...

Its a funny thing to realise that, sitting here today, I cannot figure out what was there in yesterday that is not here in the today...Well..thats life for now...Till I find out some way of making the today stand out...

But then i read something on the net...that got me thinking....
Time hasn't stopped for any troubles, heartaches, or any other malfunctions of this world, so please don't tell me it will stop for you.

What would life have been if we were all given the option of a Pause button...Hit it and relax slyly on the beach...not worrying about the picture fading out...a quick pause at that perfect moment of bliss..on a moon lit night...with the ambience that makes you wonder if this was the night you were born for....A much needed break in the middle of that project meeting, where the higher order is out there pointing blaming fingers at you for god knows what...

:) pity the frail mind that wanders off to neverland....

Anyway...as the title goes..this week flew by...the client came..all the drama lay unfolded..now its time for him to go...ha..!and a big huh to all those who acted real dumb and came out as real cheapos in the end...shame on all of them...adults with minds worse than a kid...!!

Now that it is all over,its gonna be a weekend to wait for...With the double treat of a formula 1 season that finally began and a second race in the second week..it is surely something to give it all your "time"..

Happy racing...

Its a new day...Its a new world...

It was quite an awakening today...felt that total ease of mind that i hadnt felt in years...! well actually that means i just cant remember it..! It was another lonely bed...a lonely house...yet...the peace was a big wow..!!

It had been quite a yesterday...had a lot of fun with the guys...all the teasing and yip yappin reminds me of college...then there was the visit from god..! With all the push and hype(like I'd said) it was a nothing...he was real down to earth..fooled his way into our hearts...liked his oration though the content was quite contrary to what i believed in...work surely took a second fiddle to me when it came to life...

I had decided today was the day...to do what i wanted to do right away...for there might not be a tomorrow at all..and i don want to be standing there with my If onlys....Weird philosophy i know..but yeah..thats the awakening i was talking about..

Have decided to leave my fingers alone from today....It has to be someday...today all the more better....I even walked into the book store i always wanted to....got the details straight...will be goin back soon i know....

Jay's mail was quite an eye opener...i realised all that rested on me when God's gonna give up on life...I dont want it now..coz i, as always, feel am not ready for it...I can see the effect of age..on the body, the mind, the temper....everythin...and am preparing myself for the worst...for when it happens...i dont wanna sit there cryin like a house wife...Jay was lucky..Dubai has it all...they serve their patients like 5 star hoteliers....India is still craving...we still have a lot of paper work and verbals going in before i can find the real medics....Gotta be prepared for a lot, i realised...Its gonna be tough lettin God know his short comings....but somebody has to...And like she said..its better to be safe now than sorry tomorrow....

There's a weird sense of imbalance in me today..that same feeling i used to have back in school..sitting waiting for class to get over so that i could get my hand wet in the paint and glass....pretty soon..!! compose you little mind...calm down..!!