I wonder what the world is coming to..

My mind sat awestruck watching the tv. This should not have happened. It was meant to be an opportunity for the leaders to lend a hand of help. Those who lost the replaceables in the floods were supposed to get some refund at this event.

What was left was a melange of anguish and death. Around 42 people, most in their young teens, with blood rushing through their uneasy vessels, capable of changing the world into something; lost all of it. C'mon they died for heavens' sake. Has death become such a meagre thing for us mortals? With the fear of failure running havoc in their minds, these young bloods beat the time and place and all such alterables to earn death. They knew nothing of what proceeded. For there was tears shed, dreams shattered, cries wept, promises made, Politics ensued.

For what did the much-to-be blamed government do about it? nothing more than statements to appease god-knows-who..And to back them in their dirty exploits is the press...While channels on one's side showed family members weeping their hearts out and proclaiming in front of camera that it was the stinking government and the police to blame; there was the other side of the coin, with similar bereaving family members blaming their own kids for having rushed.

Is that all the value of human life.? That you can resort to politics at such junctures to stay safe of blame.? Why cant the Indian mass realise that it is high time they stopped playing second fiddle to the ruling party and the oppositions and to the media and whoever; and thought for themselves what they really wanted and felt. It is a democracy for hell and what is happening now is that with freedom of press exploited, so is the common man.. And the common man fails to understand this.
Grow up..! Now..!

Then there was the second shock of its kind. A girl is raped and murdered, i choose to say slaughtered to death, in Bangalore. The IT hub of India. Where is sanity now.? Have we reached a time where a woman cant work at her will, worry about timings and safety.? For the animal responsible was a man of duty,the one she saw even before her boss. Is technology catching up or are we moving back in time..? Oh !Technology is sure catching up; for circulation on the net were the pics of this kid after she met her dirty fate. Huh..!

To join in the list of things that got me writing this post was Mission Majnu...Inappropriately titled after the man who lived for love and martyred for love, this mission has nothing to do in the vicinity. On the negative, it was a drive, a clean-up drive they called it, undertaken by the police in Meerut to rid the beautiful gardens of love birds. Huh..! A process of maintaining the sanctity of the country i read. What resulted was women in uniform catching hold of innocent citizens and treating them like whores driven out of their asylum. The camera saw youngsters, most possibly good friends, or siblings or even married partners, beaten up to embarrassment, merely for them using their private time in a public place..! Democracy, I remember, is one of the main features of the Indian constitution. All this reminds me is of the crude images of torture that floated around the time US invaded Iraq, or the gruesome taliban.

I wonder what the world is coming to..!

A well deserved break..

I had been waitin for this break for long. 5 days away from the moan of the CPU; away from the tap of the neighbours keypad; away from the constant fear of a imaginary bug; away from the prospective bad tempered clients my seniors had warned me of; away from the artificial me.

Not that something dreaded had happened in the last few months in this much talked about industry; yet i feel i have lost me in the whole rat run. So this break was all the more wanted for the welfare of this soul within me. And God bless dad and harini who got this whole thing together.

A trip to Goa left my mouth watering; tough call though. So there we set out on Saturday mid afternoon on our journey to heaven and back. First point of touch down was Mahabaleshwar. But my thoughts went racing the minute i realised that it took us close to two solid hours to get out of the dull groan and hush of the city they call mumbai. I realised the wide spread of the mondane city life that has left most of us wanting for some fresh air. When we finally did get out I had to thank the stars; for every moment was worth it.

We touched base on heaven at close to sunset and the chill getting down our nerves was a fresh welcome. It reminded me loads of days spent in Kodai when in college. Those were times and i was getting them back for once. Had a little trouble switching from one hotel to another , till we finally found our abode; a duplex in the heart of the town; at the life of the market place. Perfect.!

After a quick shower we went for a walk; getting lost amidst the crouwd that had managed to gather itself in the market. Bouy! the head count was awesome, with people in all age groups flocking the petty shops and with a common intention of living the them they would normally not be back home. College kids buying junk jewelery, fresh honey moon couples sharing quiet secretive laughs and walking hand in hand, kids scrouting ahead of their parents looking for their best buy. It was a show of myriad colours, sounds and sights.


Personally i was caught by the sheer overflow of emotions in that small area. A long stretch of pathway trampled by people with worries of their own, troubles of their own, traumas to worry about; yet walking that way like they were the kings and princesses.

We did our part of shopping for things we would not have thought of owning otherwise. Shoes, sweaters, junk, artefacts, nuts and weird fruits; we got them all. Got into bed, tired and filled with anticipations for the day ahead. And it turned out to be worth the wait, with our guide for the day being a perfect sport. He took us to this lake with three rivers confluencing at one point. The ferry ride to the cave temple on one of the islands was a great trip. So was the water scooter ride; what if the guy sitting behind me held all controls? The feel of the cool lake wind blowing on my face was worth every strain. For starters, these guys have a knack of taking ya midway and demanding more money for an extended ride. Remember what drives ya and decide accordingly. We decided to shell the extra crap out for the ride to the edge of the lake, and i felt it was worth it(the one who earned it obviously thought it was a waste. What say?) But the young bloods had a rocking time.

Then there was the trip to the temple; with the origin of 5 rivers. Man it was awesome. Reminds me of the rich cultural heritage our country has; despite the pitfalls at every corner that every proud indian very readily points out.

The second day in the cool hillstation was our trip out. On our way out though we did the first plateau of my life. Panchgani Table top was worth every kick we got in the horse ride, every morsel of breakfast we had missed to be there. At first sight, the deccan had given the impression of an immigrant, dull and lost in hunger; hunger for the greenery of our good old western ghats that i was so accustomed to. But after that walk in Panchgani, I seemed to have developed a respect for these massive structures; living through rain and storm, unaffected by the cruelities of time.

They had to be respected for sure. The horse ride across the breadth of the plateau gave something that no new travel invention could have given. The honesty and innocence in the whole experience caught me the most.


To add up to the innocence was the great breakfast we had in the cave restaurant; amidst all the red rocks and the trailing monkeys. That bread omlette could let many other five star breakfasts for the run. We were also blessed by the mongoose(another first in the list of firsts!) and the man of hope in the world of mentally impaireds. Our adventure halted next at the paragliding terrain where a bunch of foreigners gave a ride off the cliff to the heavy hearted. Was very tempted to shell those extra bucks for a rush of adrenaline, but better sense eventually prevailed. Those guys must be having a ride of their lives. I will do it one day. I know i will.
Our trip down the hill, to other locations, was as expected a sad journey, of me wishing I dint have to ever go back.

But it is this love for far off things that keeps us going back right?
So does it for me and I keep going.

Then and Now !

My memory fails me in this regard, but I know we've been together for long; as long as I can remember actually. It started of as a fascination as I had someone to play with. A lot bigger than those stuffed toys and the effects it gave out as a response to teasers were pretty realistic. Then moved on to someone I could bully around. Take all my bashes and still keep quiet.

Later came times when there was the enemy; competing for the same attention of the Gods. Life was peaceful till this moment then. All actions were closely watched and any reaction from any of the Gods deeply analysed for nobody should usurp my place close them right. This was not going well. A pink dress to them meant I had to get it too. But the enemy was getting stronger and bolder; bold enough to speak up and against.

This lead to times of physical anguish; where battles were fought to sort issues up. Blows exchanged hurt both parties and served the purpose of splitting lives up. No amount of intervention could clean the chits in this regard. Ofcourse when external enemies attacked we were one; for we knew we needed eachother's valor to save the day. But it went on.

Till one of us grew out of it and parted. Needs sent me distance apart and it somehow helped the two grow up. Conversations flown over miles sent out peace messages; messages of oneness. These merged into times were we together saw the real world; the one we knew nought of. We quielty amongst us realised that the enemy was far beyond the two of us and a lot of unity was needed to get us through. Thats exactly what we put in.

Minutes were spent discussing strategies for the downfall of the foes; hours in close union. Even in times when the Gods had to be opposed there was solace in one another; for our wavelengths matched closer than before. And thus years passed by.


Today as I watch her get off the escalator and walk towards us waiting, I remember our journey called life. The times we've spent together and away , that have in some way taught us more than one. And I am happy I have a sister to share the good and the bad till date. Thanks to the Gods.!

Winter of 99 !

My comfortable sleep was pushed back to hell by the unsettling shriek of the alarm. Minutes before D-minute, that weird unease from the body clock had told me that my time in bliss was up. I had begun to hate myself that very nanosecond. This shrill throwing me out of my world was only making matters worse. I hated myself for ever agreeing to such a preposterous task.

5 am in the winter of 99 in Bangalore was a dreaded time. Time when not even cockroaches cared to get out of their safe holds and put up with the shiver. But there I was, or rather had to be, my track pants on and shoes all tied; walking across the locality for my daily dose of mental torture.

I wonder which world had given birth to such a creature; my aerobic instructor. A woman so obsessed with looking good that she had managed to incur all my wrath. I somehow seem to blame her for not living my last teens to the fullest. As she counted our moves aloud with unwanted passion and drive, I wondered why I was putting myself through this. I liked myself. I loved myself infact. What if the ones around me hated the overweight fat ass I had grown to be.. I loved myself. So i couldnt take this outsider telling me what to do and what not to. She sure got all my wrath. Every count was a pain. Every minute was a torture. Every day was a punishment.

I gave up the day the ones around me realised nothing could happen of me. Oh that pain that plucked the innocence out of the prime age. Pushing people to be what they are not. Given a choice I am sure all of us would want to splurge on that mouth watering chocolate truffle; If only..!
Five years down , I walk to the gym on a winter 10'o clock. I burn adrenaline for two solid hours. Not an instructor to push my butt; no obsessive women to watch my back. Just me and my drive to find a better me.

I still love the way I am . But I'd love to be better. Thats all.!

The Goddess !

There she stood in the corner of the room; oblivious to the passer-bys. Her presence rose the entire room to a new level. While most people stopped by her to have a minor chat, she acknowledged their presence with nothing more than a mere nod. That daunting aura of bossdom she had in her made people want her all the more. What if other mortals came and left.? All eyes were on her. All life seemed to be around her.

I dint care what others thought of her; to me she was heaven personified. Those curves sent waves down my nerves; the prospective smooth in her sent my adrenaline rushing. It was after a long time that someone had managed to awaken the drooling demon in me. I wanted her. Right here! Right Now!

I caught the opportune moment when the crowd seemed to suddenly find interest elsewhere. I meekly approached her, trying hard to weaken the pace of my heart. She gave me a dry look; but I knew it would all be fine when we united. I approached, my hand stretched outward; to touch her; to feel her. The moment we met was an lifetime. It was a feeling of eternal bliss that ran through, as I closed my eyes and let the emotion sink in.

Neither of us knew how or when it happened, but the obvious result of a hungry lion chancing on a pond happened. I was on her, my heart throbbing. I stopped thinking for my energy was now of a different kind. As I started rocking, I could see her, rather feel her respond to me. She seemed to enjoy it. Yes... It went on... My heart paced harder, I plunged deeper in. I could feel manna waiting there bundled for me.

The Adrenaline rush couldnt be stopped anymore. It was a fight for life now, for who knew if I'd ever get this again.? I stroked harder, pounded my heart out.

I heard soothing sounds of reassurance, as she groaned back at me in sweet agony. I knew she was having the time of her life. With ever stroke of hers that matched mine, I knew she was in the moment as much as I was. I could feel the energy in her rising, she rocked harder. I had to struggle hard to keep pace with her. Man ! She was the only one to satiate the ignorant.

As I forced in all energy for one last stroke before I came in , I felt her collapse in my arms. We were there. And we were there together.

I lay sweating, and panting on the floor, catching my feeble breath, and the thought struck me bright. Yes! The all new ExerCycle2005 was sure a rocker of an exerbike.!

The Flower on God's bed.

She was the one anyone would remember everytime you spoke of a Sport.

We were a frustrated bunch of seniors, just out of our torturous days, lurking around for a scape. We, the honorary holders of the 'Terrors' in our batch for none had gone out of our territory in one piece, were the ones to be feared afterall.

Dont know why , but the whole gang agreed on one issue; She was a Dear. For, at that point of fear and insecurity, just out of the comforting bosom of family, she faced us with a notable valor. We had not seen a single tear in those twinkling eyes.

While most of the so-called "hard cores" burst out at the meekest thrash from the Fab5, she stood us till we gave up. The first few days would have been bad for her, cause we kept her in our rooms till late in the night; entertainment you see.
She would sing and dance out our favorites, with all the naivete one could think of. Seemed to know our tunes to the last one. After a while , it was more like company than the usual juniors-are-intruders attitude with her. We'd laugh around , and share our midnight mess snack together. Oh yeah.She was a part then. Everytime we'd pass by her in the campus alleys, we'd be greeted with the most energising smile in the whole world.

The year passed by and dividers forgotten. When most of the new bunch would make sure not to see you , The Dreaded, she'd sit in our rooms till dawn chatting vividly of her little dreams. She continued to entertain us with her sudden outbursts of energy. Her moves on the dance floor was that of a nymphet, worth all the admiration we gave her. And at the end of it she'd act like we were all she needed to get going. Oh she was a Dear afterall.

When I moved out of college, I saw her first tear. But we'd sworn to keep eachother near. And so she kept up her promise. She'd called me for everyother occasion, my birthday, the hostel day celebs that we missed, her exam day for good luck. She sure dint forget.

And yesterday, another dear called, announced, between heartful throbs, that the flower had been destroyed. The dream had been thwarted. We could no longer watch her graduate, drink from her first pay check, cry at her wedding, play with her first baby boy. No we couldnt do any of that.

For she didnot live enough to do any of that. Never got a chance to fall in love, a chance to have her first kiss of love, a chance to see what she would have made of herself. I lookup to heaven and wonder why He could be so heartless. Or was he something more. Did he decide to keep his closest children, real close to him.? I dont know the answer. I just trust God and lay back. Thoughts flood of the smell of the flower.

The Flower on God's bed.

-- In Loving memmory of Vidya, our dearest junior,friend, who left us aloof recently. A serious infection in her body cause of the Nov05 Floods in Trichy, didnot spare the poor kid's heart and no amount of medication could save her.

Dear, You are missed.

The Life@Here

I remember...It wasnt long ago...I walked past that girl on the street. The fleeting glimpse we shared was enough. I realised she had something I couldnot think of; something I had dreamt of every time I slept in peace. She had a life...

I've finally boiled down to a machine. A mere block sitting in front of another machine; I cant think of the last time I looked at the moon and sang a song to myself. The last time I cried for that favourite serial replayed the nth time. The last time I had a hearty laugh not worried of who was looking at the goof.

I wanted to be her in more ways than one to think of. Wanted to stop worrying what tommorow might bring; stop thinking about what would be the appraisal of the girl in the next cubicle; not think of why my boss hated me enough to mess with my ranks; Not think of how unfair this world was. For once I wanted to be free...educated enough to realise that a lot of these trivial details wouldnt matter in the end afterall.
For a man who cannot smile with his eyes is as much a zombie, isnt he..?

Mama Am comin home!

Times have changed..Times are strange...
Here I come but I aint the same...
Mama Am Comin home...!
(Mama Am comin home , Ozzy Osbourne)

Oh! That twinkle in her eyes, the minute I walked back in. Four years of independance had taught me things she knew naught of. I realised she was going to be disappointed. For I had turned out to be a total stranger to her in the last few years. True I was there with her all holidays; true we spent our festivities together. But it was not the same. I was not her baby doll any more; I dint like being a baby doll any more.

Her daughter was to grow up into a perfect house lady. Adept at managing not just her usual chores but of the ones around too. She was her Daddy's pet; dressed, ate, spoke and walked like how her daddy wanted her to. She woke up well before the sun, to make sure the others at home saw a pleasant morn. Worked her ass out to make sure there's not a resident grime in her territory. Her clothes were in place, her linen were perfect starched and her heart was alive till they wanted it to. She could sacrifice her pleasures for those of others. Yes, She could..!

But what she got was an individual. One who liked her story better when written for herself. What if the blotches spoilt the pretty painting.? It was still her creation.! From the first stroke down to the last rub. It had to be hers. She needed no more spoons. She could eat on her own, what if with bare hands. Life was for granted, so why worry about the mondane.? You would live, whether ya saw the sun at 5 or 10. Why bother.? Life you lived was for you and your closest lovers. Why worry if Neeta aunty thought Indian girls wore only salwars or if Gopicha dint like your new hair colour.? Why bother..?

No.! This is going to be difficult. I can see her frowning at my staid( She walks like a tom boy now.!). Its all cause of the dreaded hostel they decide. If only they'd kept me with them for those years.? If only they'd spoon fed me all along.? They would've had their ideal girl.!
Their Girl. The Daddy's Girl.!

Mama, Let your son Go...Mama, Let your heart Go...
Mama, Let your son go free...
(Mama Said , Metallica)

Communities...

It was a time to idle. Technology has taken its course. Time at hand is spent surfing the deep dark tomes of the web rather than stroll outdoors and enjoy the breeze(When was the last time there was any though.?). True, am a complaining sucker who hates the span of the net but cant live without either.
So as i was saying, spending some quality time surfing, I came to terms with the fact that I had managed to spend a solid 3 hrs coz of this new trend picking up with surfers; Online Communitites.
It was Orkut that kept me going. A frail invite sent by some long lost friend got me hooked for hours together. The discovery started off with me getting the entire list of college batchmates into my list of contacts. Funny a hundred different minds think alike at one point. And another community is born.
And fancy the spread. I managed to get back in touch with this kid who studied with me in the 5th grade. Oh yes it was a revolution. And the spread of communitites. Anything from a bunch of nerds sharing their common interests for puzzles and apti; to a group of freakos talking about eventually falling in love(O so mushy!It actually has 156410 members!). Then there's the usual alumni bunch forming the same community over and over again. And the list goes on. From the believers of the Gita to the lovers of chaat; Pursuers of an MBA to the ones who got there; Lovers of Abhishek to haters of Schumi. Its all in there. The weirdest one i treaded upon till today is 'Nokia'; a community for all Nokia phone users.
Then there are the geographically distinct ones. I found one for 'Coimbatore', where a bunch of 70s oldes sat discussing the CBE then and now. I bet every city has one such with similar forums going out.
And there's the 'Iyers' and 'Iyengars' community. I personally love the concept of a common repositiry of people brought up in a similar fashion irrespective of the distance and instance in time. Ones that woke up near the sun to the smell of freshly brewed coffee, renditions of the sahasranamam echoing through the long corridors of the house on the agraharam(the temple street for the uninitiated). Imbibing the taste for good food with the regular vatha kuzhambu and vadu maanga(Now I cant think of a translation to Bliss!). Oh yes. They belong.
Taking forward a tradition is quite a challenge. (I dont know why this came in. It just crossed my mind right now.!)
With terrorism and hatred raising its dirty head at every corner, it surprises me to realise that there are people who wanna unite for the most fickle reasons possible. Why else would 3246 people from different parts of the world come together and share their common hate for Mondays!
Communities Rock!

The me!

Times when my mind wanders off to neverland. Back to days eternal when the body strolled free. There were no deadlines to be met; no fellow students to beat in competition; no grades to make; no bills to pay. It was the easy path out of troubles. The experienced showed the way and i just walked. A hand held me tight on every path i tread. Every cry was soothed; every mistake was covered up; every dream was attained; Life was bliss alright.
Then times of condititional troubles began. There'd be those times when i would be left astray alone in the world, to defend for myself. Protect my favourite pink toffee from the enemies on my own. No more was my life at peace. Things had to be fought for.
Moved on to times, where there was an array of numbers to distinguish me from the rest of my kind. That girl who stayed 2 points ahead of me was always the loved one. I understood not this system of discrimination, for where we all not from the same roots? The tight comforting hold from the Gods loosened up. I had more trouble swimming those waters. But I learnt.
I won something I knew I dint deserve. A mortal had designed a means of determing my efficiency in sustenance and this so-called system of examination had passed me capable at it with flying colors(As the cliche goes!). They called me an Achiever, and pushed me one step higher.
At this stage, I knew I had done something a lot others of my very own kind hadnt. Had gotten into one of the best tutorings in the city; the few of my kind actually looked up to me. But the mind was lost. What was I doing here.? Was this where the mind wanted to be.? No. The answers were nowhere to be found. And I survived. A bug in a mass. Ran with the crowd, cawed when I heard my neighbour. And they called me an Achiever.
The next day I was into a place I would call my alma mater years down. A place I would go visiting with my offsprings and successors. They took me in coz I was supposed to be just the one for it. But what was I.? God You there..?
It was there that i tasted the sweet bliss in Freedom. I no longer needed the comforting hand to take me around. It hurt to depend. The world was hell and I wanted to survive on my own. Yes.! I needed no support. I could make my changes, call my shots, ride my own wave. I had tasted the life of free will.
Rock ruled. It brought out the liberal me. I could take anything you shouted at me with a composure you never knew of. Some called me a Rebel. Was I wrong to do things my way? Was I wrong to stand on my own and put my shoulder down when I felt the weight.? My head still nods a no. And thats what i did. Be myself.
At the end of this journey, when I look at myself today, I am tired. For I have lost a major part of me. The Free Me. The Real Me. The Me.!

Trapped...!

Hallo world. Thus arriveth the goddess of boredom. Trapped somewhere between life and death, existence and extinction, reality and dream. It gives the same creepy feeling of a mouse, caught in a trap; unaware of what impending doom ahead; unsure of what move to make next; totally not aware of what the hell I am doing there.A mouse in a trap.!
Ya.I know the mouse trap analogy was exaggerated. Coz neiher am I physically comparable to one, nor does my life stink as much.
Well I have a never ending monetary source(yes.! my father), and a sumptuous meal maker(U guessed it). There is a sibling who loves me unendingly, especially after the "Distances make the hearts grow fonder" funda. I have a Love in Life( Do I need to say more ? ). A bunch of friends who have seen me through the worst weapons of mass destruction. I have studied in a college that has given me more than what I deserved ( If not Relative Grading I would still be stuck in Concrete and Cement! ). Out there I was offered a job for a skillset I dint know I possessed. And now I ampaid a 5digit for something I have no idea if I have done any justice.
I dont know when the force was felt. But a battle was fought between passion and quest for wealth in the distant realms of the mind. The overpowering latter conquered.
For if not for that, I would have been blogging probably as a wildlife photographer; or a documentary film maker, chasing the ever receding population of the national beast; or the worst case scenario, a reporter with the BBC specialising on terrorism and its ugly effect on the child of tomorrow.
No..! I am a machine. Sedantary for the most part of the day(The other part I am lost). Staring incessantly at another. Thats throws out the weirdest Exceptions that I Try to Catch.
Yes.! yoru right. Am another IT professional.!